Searching for a purposeful life
I’ve always wanted to feel like I’m positively impacting the world and believed that this would help me lead a fulfilling life. What that looks like and where I have put my energy has changed throughout my life. When I’ve reflected on this over the last couple of years I recognised that my focus was becoming narrower, more focused on changes I can see around me. An acknowledgement that this is the best way for me to have an impact. But is this right?
A couple of weeks ago, I was doing some litter picking on our estate, the perfect example of this shift in my thinking and approach to a narrower definition of impactful activity. I can see the bags of rubbish I’ve collected. There they are, right in front of me. I know that this plastic won’t end up in the soil. It also means I can walk up the road without a constant reminder of the waste we collectively produce.
Litter picking feels so small in the context of a climate crisis. It is ‘think global, act local’ thinking. I can’t fix the big things, so focus on the small stuff.
It felt like I’d adopted a less ambitious approach in other parts of my life. I struggled to deliver on the changes I thought were needed in a local government setting, so I stepped away and made more time to be a parent and a chair of governors at the local primary school. I was leaning into the parts of my life where I could see my impact more clearly. This was the narrative I told myself and those around me.
It is part of being human to create stories of our lives, connecting events and decisions into something that helps to make sense of what we have done. This story about myself has been easy to construct. 20 years ago I was studying International Relations and volunteering with the United Nations Association UK. I was one of the few idealists in the room, someone who thought we could build a fairer, more just world through collective action and our big institutions. Now I’m picking up litter on my estate in Tottenham, while I listen to the audiobook version of The Ministry for the Future.
The problem with this narrative is it isn’t true. I might be more cynical than I once was but I’m still an optimist. Yes, the instant gratification of picking up litter helps me feel impactful but it isn’t enough. That same week I met with another chair of governors to understand what we could do to work as a network of schools across Haringey. I care about the school where I’m chair but my recent efforts to lean in on the wider challenges all schools face are feeling impactful and I’m optimistic we can make things better.
My perspective may shift again but what I currently think is that I need to be acting in a range of spaces at the same time. Litter picking or planting a tree are the more tangible acts, they are easy to see and feel positive about in the short term. These smaller moments of achievement give us the energy to keep fighting for the bigger changes we all need, in the areas where it often feels too slow and difficult.
